This Time...

For the last four days, I've laced up my tennis shoes and hit the walking trail with my trusty companion.

For 45 minutes a day, I've walked the loop around my housing complex, bopping along to a fast beat on my Zune and taking in the breath-taking splendor of the mountains with fall's touch of snow.

This time, I tell myself,

it will be different.

All my adult life I've struggled with my weight. Or, in truth, I've allowed my weight to hinder, to limit. To be a convenient excuse for the life I want by don't have. I've fallen back on the whole "it's genetics" excuse as I eye my father's side of the family with envy. Why couldn't it be genetics from that side of the family?

I tell myself I've tried. I tell myself I've been on diets all my adult life. But in truth, I've lived a series of "last days." You know - those days you splurge on all the goodies that you're going to give up tomorrow - french fries, ice cream, candy, cookies, fully loaded Pepsi. And tomorrow always comes, most often followed by yet another "last day."

But the cold hard truth is that I haven't really tried. Primarily because I expect results...NOW. And when I don't immediately get results, I give up. Ironic for someone named Patience, right? So I start feeling sorry for myself, telling myself that if people don't like me the way I am, well...the hell with them.

The problem with that, though...I don't like myself.

And as Dr. Phil would say..."How's that workin' for you."

Well, Dr. Phil...it ain't.

This time, it will be different.

This time...I'm taking charge. I'm not giving in to the need for instant gratification. I'm not expecting my life to change overnight. I'm not dieting to lose weight. I'm learning to make the right choices, every day, every hour, every moment. I'm going to make life happen, instead of waiting for it to ring the doorbell.

So tomorrow, I'm going to lace up my tennis shoes for another lap around the neighborhood while Dallas gives chase to his own shadow. And I'm going to remember that each bad choice I make today takes away a choice I have tomorrow. I'm going to let myself slip every once in a while without falling apart and giving up. And I'm going to make it happen. This time. Because...

This time,

it feels different.

And why does it feel different? Because this time, I've seen the life I want, and I'm going to reach for it.