It Speaks to Me

He'd had a mistress.

He'd always had a mistress.

She'd known this when she met him. When she'd fallen in lust and then love with him.

It had never been a secret between them.

And her desire for him was so strong, so true, that she thought she could handle it.

Live with it.

Accept it.

But in the back of her mind, in the dark corners of the unconsciousness, from the parts of her mind that seemed oblivious to conscious control, the whispers came.

He'll choose his mistress over you. Time and time again.

His mistress calls to him. Even from a distance, he hears the call. And he'll go.

And one day, the mistress will win.

And now, he was gone. Taken. A victim of that siren call.

So today, as she mourns, she faces the mistress for the first time. Face to face.

It's a formal affair, as well it should be.

White linen, flowers, music and wine.

And for today, she'll stare across the table at the mistress, and together, mourn his loss.

He was a sailor. And although through the years, his rank and title had changed, a sailor he would always be.

And his mistress, the sea.

** Just in case you're wondering what I'm rambling about now...

I was thinking today about art, and why I so love Jack Vettriano's work. And I decided today that it is because each painting is a story. The titles of his paintings leave me craving the story behind them. And so, today, I decided that I would write the story (short as it may be). Inspired by Jack Vettriano's Eulogy for a Dead Admiral.

Natural Highs

Today I received an email today of "43 Natural Highs." So far in this life, I haven't experienced them all. But reading the ones I have experienced brought such warm fuzzies that I decided it might be a list worth saving, if for no other reason than as a reminder to cherish the simple joys of life.

And...hopefully...with the ones I haven't experienced? Something to look forward to...

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. - Mom, Brenda and I used to do this - a lot. Not sure when that changed, but I miss those days.

3. A hot shower. - Especially when I've just left my cozy, toasty bed in my chilly bedroom. Stepping under the stream of hot water is pure bliss...

4. No lines at the supermarket. - Okay, I guess. Probably wouldn't have made the top of my list.

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail. - Especially when you're not expecting it (and obviously not related to bills). But even when I am expecting it - as in something I've ordered. Still eagerly check the mail box everyday in anticipation.

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. - Especially if you can roll down the winds, pop open the sunroof.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. - I really love it when it's the perfect song for my mood. Or a song that reminds of a loved one.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. - Well, I used to love this. Before I moved to Denver. No one told me this was a high desert! Who would have ever thought that I would miss rain?

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. - Or bed sheets - right before going to bed.

11. Milkshake (any flavor). - Maybe not so much strawberry. But definitely chocolate or vanilla.

12. A bubble bath.

13. Giggling. - With your best friend.

14. The beach. - Sun, sand, the pounding of the waves and a good book.

15. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter. - The best!

16. Laughing at yourself. - Even better if it's in the company of true friends.

17. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you

18. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. - Connecting with long lost friends like you saw them just yesterday. Years disappear and you remember why you love them.

19. Running through sprinklers. - Accompanied by the smells of summer - hose water and wet grass baking in the sun.

20. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. - Laughing just because life it great and it feels so good to be alive. If only for this moment...

21. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

22. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS - Because it strengthens the connection, plays into your past.

23. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. - An overheard conversation that I hold close to my heart...

24. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. - Assuming you can get back to sleep.

25. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

26. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. - Exploring, learning, growing together...

27. Playing with a new puppy. - Dallas!

28. Having someone play with your hair. - Yes please.

29. Sweet dreams. - Those that linger with you all day...

30. Hot chocolate. - On a cold day.

31. Road trips with friends. - On the road again...I just can't wait to get on the road again...

32. Swinging on swings. - Feeling the rush of the air as you defy gravity

33. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

34. Making chocolate chip cookies. - and having people to share them with.

35. Having your friends send you homemade cookies. - Mmmmm...Monster cookies....

36. Holding hands with someone you care about. - When Holden or Kaylee reach for my hand, I know it's because I'm important to them.

37. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

38. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you. - I love finding that perfect gift. I eagerly anticipate the moment I get to share

39. Watching the sunrise.

40. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

41. Knowing that somebody misses you.

42. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.

43. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

All Creatures Great and Small...except...

So this morning, I had the pleasure of showering with one eye open.

See, usually when I shower, I close my eyes for things like rinsing shampoo/conditioner, or using my face scrub. But today, I showered with one eye open.

And that would be because when I picked up my conditioner bottle, a spider scampered out from under and huddled in the corner of the ledge of the tub. Ugh...

I'm not a big fan of killing anything. I don't find pleasure on lighting ants on fire with magnifying glass, or pulling the light out of a lightning bug and using is as jewelry. I spend way too much time trying to coax a trapped fly out the door and with bees, I usually resort to the "empty glass to trap a bee" trick - you know, where you trap a bee in a glass, then carefully slide a paper plate (usually) under the edge of the glass, then releasing the bee back out in the wild.

I figure - All creatures great and small.

Except spiders. And centipedes. But this morning, it was a spider.

Usually when I see a spider, my first instinct is to find someone else to kill it. Of course, there's never a spider around when there's someone else available to squash it. In that case, there are several scenarios:

a) Get out the vacuum cleaner and suck it up (of course, then I have to have someone change the bag for me, you know, just in case the spider survives the traumatic trip through the vacuum cleaner rollers

b) Step on it, but only if I'm wearing shoes with like 4 inch soles. Then, suck up the poor, tangled puddle of spider remaining with the aforementioned vacuum

c) If all else fails, take a (gigantic) wad of paper towel, toilet paper, or if all else is unavailable, Kleenex, and squash the dang thing.

This usually involves:

- a lot of prep time
- some emotional build up
- a self-motivating speech
- more emotional build up
- a reminder that I am in fact 32 years old and should be able to handle this
- a little self-loathing over the fact that I'm 32 and single, with no kids before quickly reminding myself that this isn't the time for a pity party
- a moment when I think it would just be easier to move to a different house
- and finally...the squash.

Which is then followed by:

* balling up the tissue as soon as possible so I don't have to look at anything

* a race to the trash can, arm completely outstretched

* deposit in trash can (I could just flush it down the toilet, but as I said before...Gigantic wad of paper towel/toilet paper)

* my "Ewwww" dance where I thrash all my limbs about to remove any remaining spider cooties that may have escaped the gigantic wad of paper towel

If the spider has managed to find a resting place I can't reach (such as the vaulted ceiling in my bedroom), then I'm tormented all night with thoughts of where the spider might be and at what point he might touch me. Please don't bring up the statistic about how many spiders/bugs we swallow a year...just...don't.

My old solution to this problem was to sleep with the covers over my head. That no longer works because my dog insist on unburying me. I know he thinks he's doing me a favor, but really...he's not.

This morning, though, I got lucky. After my shower, I was able to aim the shower head at the spider and then wash him down the drain. No "thrashing about to remove spider cooties" required.

Course, now I'll lie in bed tonight, tormented with the thought that he had a lot of friends and family and they're coming for me...