8 and 4

Colts 10, Browns 6

Sleepover at Auntie Pae-Pae's

All day Thanksgiving, Holden was rather lovey, sitting with me at almost every opportunity, being upset when I didn't sit next to him at dinner, sitting on my lap while I read him the same book six times...

So, at the end of the evening, Brenda asked Holden if he wanted to go sleep at my house. Really, it was more of a joke than a serious offer. I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't been willing to live up to it, but Holden NEVER wants to sleep anywhere but at his own house, close to his Mom.

So it was a bit of a surprise when Holden didn't answer right away. Instead, he thought about it. And thought about it. And thought so more. And then he said...

"But then I can't watch the 'Credibles'."

And that's what it all boiled down to. If he came to my house, he couldn't watch the Incredibles, which was to be on NBC Thanksgiving night. So we assured him he could watch it at my house, and he was off like a shot, running up the stairs to get his things for the evening.

And what did he come down with?

Wasting no time, Holden ran upstairs and came back down with his essentials. Blanket - check. Pillow - Check. Anything else? Nope - not necessary.

Kaylee also wanted to come sleep over, so she raced upstairs to pack a bag, being a very helpful sister and packing a bag for Holden as well.

At my house, the kids watch the Incredibles. Or, the Incredibles were on, but Holden was more interested in bouncing between my couch and Donovan's, and playing with the dog. Around 8, Holden crashed out on my lap. A little later, Kaylee was ready to call it a night and we moved into my bedroom, where the kids could sleep in my bed.

Around 1, Holden woke up wanting his Dad. I soothed him with Drake and Josh on Nickelodeon while Kaylee moved over to sleep on the pile of couch cushions I had spread out on the floor for a bed (which, thankfully, meant I got to sleep in the bed). After that it was a quiet night and we all slept until around 7.

In the morning after breakfast (toast and cereal) we walked over to Safeway to get the makings for sugar cut-out cookies.

You'll have the pardon the questionable shapes of the cookies. I don't really come equipped with the proper cookie making tools - I don't even own a rolling pin. So, instead, I covered the dough with flour-sprinkled foil and used a can of Pam to roll out the dough. MacGyver-inspired baking!!

When all was said and down, Holden was ready for another sleepover.

A good day.

The See-Saw That Is My Life...

As I look back at the last two posts, it's pretty evident there's been a mood change. One day, a light-hearted whine about the newest pimple. The next...well...Welcome to the see-saw that is my life.

I have nothing really to complain about. I have my health, a job, a dog, a family that loves me. But everyday I wake up to the revelation that today looks a lot like 10 years ago...only now, I'm 10 years older. Really, nothing's changed. Back then I had my health, a job, a family that loved me. Okay, well, I didn't have the dog, but other than that...

What more could I ask for? I try to pull myself out of this funk with the thought that there are so many people less fortunate than I. And instead of feeling thankful, or rejoicing in the gifts I have, I just end up feeling selfish for indulging in these days when I just can't seem to get my act together and my eyes are constantly shining with unfallen tears. And some fallen tears...

Ironically enough, all this the day before we celebrate everything we're suppose to be thankful for.

Things that have me down today...

I'm about to lose my house (not to any financial crisis - much more complicated than that). What's a homemaker without a home?

Of course...that leads me to the bigger heartache - What's a home without someone to share it with. And therein lies 99% of my anguish. So, in my heart...I'm a homemaker. In reality...I'm a homemaker in a home for one.

So, okay, I don't have a home, I don't have a family (you know, husband, kids, yada yada yada) - I should be footloose and fancy free. Instead, I'm scrapping by in my FOURTH entry-level position since I graduated college.

And I know that I have no one to blame but myself. And maybe it's not a matter of blame at all...I just sometimes can't seem to pull myself out of these downward spirals. And here lately, I thought I was doing so good...

So...I'm hoping that putting these words out in cyberspace is somehow therapeutic. And like I said in my last blog, I keep trying to tell myself...

"Someday, I'm going to look back at this time in my life and laugh."

I just hope it's not from a padded cell somewhere.

When?

A few years ago, when I worked at Disney, life seemed impossible. Alone, broke, never had any money, never had that special someone to share time with. Away from my family, working a job for minimum wage, not making ends meet. Not making anything meet...

Matt, one of the guys I worked with at Disney, was in the same place. And on almost a weekly basis, he would say..."Someday, we'll look back at this time in our lives and laugh."

When is that day?

If I Could Just Have A Moment of Your Time...

Today, I sent a e-mail to Mom and Brenda so that I may whine. And what was I whining about?

I have a new pimple.

I have a new pimple in the middle of my back.

I have a new pimple in the middle of my back

under the snaps of my bra.

It hurts.

That is all. Thanks.

7 and 4

Colts 23, Chargers 20

Fellowship

Last night I attended a Bible study for the first time, and during the course of conversation, we started talking about the necessity of fellowship in times of sorrow, hardship and heartache and I brought up the thought that it's not just during the hardtimes. We need fellowship all the time.

And that's one of the reasons I love my best friend Becky.

In college one weekend, all my friends desserted me to hang out with their families (for shame!) and I spent the weekend...alone. I think I may have wandered across the street to the food court at least once, but other than that, it was just me. Alone.

And alone meant I had way too long to explore that part of my mind left best unexplored. The part that screams - Look what you don't have!!! Look what you aren't!!! Think weaknesses!! Think unrequinted love!!! Think failures and shortcomings!!!

Like I said, a corner of my mind left best unexplored.

Sunday evening, everyone started to return, and Becky called up to my room to see what I was doing. I have music for my moods - and on this particular weekend, I had ventured right into my pissed-off women collection. Paula Cole, Tori Amos, Indigo Girls...and by the time Becky called, I was deep into Sinead O'Conner - You don't get any more pissed off than that.

"So..." Becky inquired. "What's up?"

"Do you know that if you rearrange some of the letters of my first and last name, you get 'Pathetic'?" I said.

Without a pause, Becky responded, "Yeah, well, if you rearrange some of the letters of my first and last name you get 'Bitch'."

And that was it - I was out of the dark corners of my mind and back into the light.

And for like a year, every time I used the word "pathetic" in ANY context, Becky would respond... "Bitch."

And that's one of the reasons I love Becky.

P.S. - I am aware that I only have 1 "t" in my first and last name and can't actually spell pathetic with just 1 "t." But you get the point...

The Book I Can't Write

I was reading the headlines today, and in Britain, a woman is suing her adult daughter for libel. Apparently, the daughter wrote an autobiography about her childhood - abuse, neglect, abandonment. The mother claims that none of it is true - that they were a happy family.

This got me to thinking - there are books upon books upon books, some fiction, so biographic, that paint the pictures of dysfuncational familes and abusive childhoods. And this thought thread let me to come to this - I could never sell my childhood as a book. I wasn't beaten, abused or neglected.

My only chance of selling my childhood? Write a fairy tale.

A former manager at Epcot used to read palms and she told me that the palm says more about where you've been then about where you're going. She looked at my co-worker Eddie's palm, and almost teared up by what she'd seen. He had a hard childhood - losing his father early, never having enough food on the table or attention and love to go around. Times were rough for Eddie and he wore the weariness of his childhood like a scar upon his palm.

And then she looked at my palm.

"Wow"...she said. "You had a happy childhood. I've never seen such a pure life line."

Yeah...I thought. I had a GREAT childhood!

My mom was always there - always. I think about it now, with this newfound perspective of adulthood, and realize that in some ways, my mom was a part-time single parent, taking care of two children five, sometimes even six days a week without someone to share the load. My dad worked second shift, so we saw him mostly on weekends. Monday through Friday though, it was my mom that was there for us. Always there. Always.

My dad wasn't particularly fond of his job, but he liked the lifestyle it afforded his family. And that was his great love story to his family - Every day, mostly six days a week, my dad went to work in the tire factory - dirty, long hours in extreme heat - because he loved his family.

Friday nights were special - we sometimes would meet my dad after work at the Rockin' U for pizza. Sometimes this would be the first time all week we saw Dad. It was always with excitement that I approached the Rockin' U for our reunion.

Weekends in my memory were a special treat. Thursday night the inevitable question - was Dad working on Saturday? How about Sunday?

My memories of weekends - Summers with the pool, Dad at the barbeque, Mom finishing up dinner in the house. The back patio, where I would roller skate around the posts holding up the aluminum roof. Cleaning up the damn hedge cuttings...mowing the damn lawn. Trying to play "Horse" with the net-less basketball hoop without the ball rolling down the driveway (the only hill in Findlay).

And in the winter - Dad watching golf, Dad snoring on the couch, most likely with the remote in his hand. The smell of pipe smoke, football games on TV. Mom grading papers, cleaning house.

Payday Fridays with Mom, eating at the Ponderosa before hitting up the luxious, glamerous Findlay Village Mall or Hills. Sunday nights with dessert - ice cream usually only once a week.

And we had the cottage - it came along at the perfect age for me. At that time of my life when I'm most likely looking for reasons to NOT hang out with my family on weekends, my parents "forced" us to travel 90 minutes away to our own lake house every weekend and three weeks each summer. Hours upon hours I could have been wasting in the mall I instead spent building a world full of memories. The boat, the deck, the campfire. Walks with my dog around Orchard Island, watching fireworks from the bow of the boat. The wave runner, the boat beach. Even the "boat up" McDonalds. And in all those memories - Mom, Dad, Donovan and sometimes Brenda. Good friends, good times...carefree days, warm nights with just the ceiling fan to cool my sunburned flesh.

At one point in my life, I may have tried the argument that my parents even having my brother was a form of abuse upon me - years and years of arguments, hostility, anger and annoyance.

And I may have even contended, in my younger years, that my sister was the more loved sibling - that in the summers she came to visit, my parents heaped mounds of love upon her. After all...she got to sit in the front seat without asking and I was forced to share front seat privilieges with my brother the rest of the year.

My, what a little perspective will do...

Now, my siblings are the greatest gift my parents ever gave me. Years and years of wonderful memories - sharing the bed with Brenda during thunderstorms, swapping rooms with Donovan so that I could sleep in his pop-up tent bed. Swimming in the backyard pool, creating "routines" with Donovan, trying to swim end to end under water with Brenda. My introduction to soap operas from Brenda, jumping from couch to chair to ottoman, to coloring books with Donovan to avoid stepping on the carpet which was, of course, the dreaded, deadly lava.

And my brother and sister - they know where I've been, the people I come from. No one else in the world can truly understand me better - they have walked step by step with me throughout my entire life. And it's a good thing, too. I'd be lost without them.

And that's it - My fairy tale, titled "Tales from the Severly Functional."

Once upon a time...

Dallas Does Day Care

So today at work, I spent entirely too much time watching the webcam at Dog City - Dog City is the day care I take my dog to when I don't want him caged up for all day.

It's Monday, which means I can't bring Dallas to work. Typically, I leave Dallas at home asleep with Donovan, but tonight I start back to working at Flatiron Crossing for the holiday season, and I think that this would make for entirely too long of a day left to his own devices (which usually means eating a good book, or tugging up some carpet).

Anyway, they have seven webcams so you can check in on your dog.

And what did I learn about my dog?

He's a bit of a bully...at the very least, a pest. Here he is (on the right), tormenting another little dog. Every time I logged into the webcam, Dallas had this dog cornered, or on the run, or defending himself from Mr. Excitement himself. On occasion, this poor, abused creature would get reinforcements from another dog.

And here, Dallas is displaying his jealously as he tries to climb this employee's legs - how dare this guy pick up another dog.

Doesn't he realize that mine is the cutest there is?

Why settle for the rest when you can have the pest...I mean, the best... :)

6 and 4

Colts 33, Texans 27

The Virtue of Being Me

So, as you can imagine, when people meet me, they ask the inevitable question. Come on, it begs to be ask...

Do you have any? Patience, that is.

And standard answer - Yes, with everything but myself and traffic.

I've come to realize in the last few weeks, that this is more than just a flippant answer, and not entirely true.

The true part - I am, in fact, very impatient with myself.

The not entirely true part - I'm impatient with way more than just traffic...

So, let's explore the things that make me impatient...

TRAFFIC. Definitely traffic. Though if I'm sitting in a traffic jam, I'm pretty calm. If the car in front of me can't move any faster because the car in front of him can't move any faster because the car in front of them...I think you get the picture. Anyway, I'm pretty patient in this situation. I've learned - getting frustrated at this situation beyond my control doesn't make the traffic jam magically disappear. HOWEVER, if the guy in front of me CHOOSES to go 30 in a 55...yeah, no tolerance for THAT driver. Seriously...yelling, screaming, red in the face impatient, swearing enough to make any sailor proud.

POLITICIANS - Okay, I get a free one on this one. No one in their right mind has patience for politics.

BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE. Two years of working at Disney, 6 years of dreaming of working with Disney and 12 years working in retail - that adds up to a lot of customer service experience. I know what it's like to deal with stupid question after stupid question, to be endlessly pounded by requests, reasonable and unreasonable. I know what it's like to be treated like a servant instead of a service representative (often confused). But I know what good customer service is and I give good customer service. Therefore, if you ever wait on me, whether it be a Neiman Marcus (as if) or Wal-Mart, be prepared to be judged - and judged harshly. I have EXTREMELY high standards of service and I have no patience for what, in my humble opinion, is incompetence. And though I may not say anything to the service rep, I WILL say something to the poor soul hanging out with me. You've been warned.

BAD ATTITUDES. I'm a fairly positive person. I do my job to the best of my ability and take pride in my work. And I expect everyone around me to have the EXACT same work ethic. So, don't make excuses. Admit that you made a mistake, admit that you don't know something, admit that you had a bad moment and forgot to do something. DO NOT blame someone else, DO NOT make excuses when you just plain forgot or overlooked something. DO NOT rain on my parade because you don't like your job or your co-workers. DO NOT think that sick days are just freebies and expect me to pick up your slack.

BAD JOKES. Seriously...does anyone have any patience for this?

NO MANNERS. I say "thank you" to everyone. To the extreme. I empathize with your situation and when I say "I'm sorry," I genuinely mean it. I know the magic word and I use it. I don't expect you to wait on me, but I'll do what I can to make your journey a little easier. BUT...it would be nice if you practiced with I preach... :)

MYSELF. In most every respect. When learning something new, I expect to get it right the first time, every time, never error, never question. Yeah...that doesn't happen a lot. And in the years struggling with my weight, I expect that if I eat right and exercise for an ENTIRE week, then my clothes will no longer fit and all my worldly dreams will come true. Hence the reason I've been living a series of last days...no patience, I tell you... And, the most tragic of all - With life in general - I want tomorrow now and so, I often forget to enjoy today.

I have nothing profound to finish this entry off with. I just think it's ironic that, for a girl named Patience, I don't have a whole lot of it.

5 and 4

Colts 24, Steelers 20

Welcome

Everytime Holden sees my welcome mat,

he thinks it's from McDonalds.

Now do you see it?

Morning Walk

A photo essay of our morning walk...

My walking companion...

Mountain view

Smooth as glass

Farm field...am slightly worried about the smell in the spring...

My favorite part of the path without a Mountain view...



I wonder what this tree's story is. Lightning? Wind? Or just an old tree?

Nothing like a peaceful walk that may end in exploding gas...

Traffic jam on the walking path...

Not all trees require a trunk...


The home stretch view

This Time...

For the last four days, I've laced up my tennis shoes and hit the walking trail with my trusty companion.

For 45 minutes a day, I've walked the loop around my housing complex, bopping along to a fast beat on my Zune and taking in the breath-taking splendor of the mountains with fall's touch of snow.

This time, I tell myself,

it will be different.

All my adult life I've struggled with my weight. Or, in truth, I've allowed my weight to hinder, to limit. To be a convenient excuse for the life I want by don't have. I've fallen back on the whole "it's genetics" excuse as I eye my father's side of the family with envy. Why couldn't it be genetics from that side of the family?

I tell myself I've tried. I tell myself I've been on diets all my adult life. But in truth, I've lived a series of "last days." You know - those days you splurge on all the goodies that you're going to give up tomorrow - french fries, ice cream, candy, cookies, fully loaded Pepsi. And tomorrow always comes, most often followed by yet another "last day."

But the cold hard truth is that I haven't really tried. Primarily because I expect results...NOW. And when I don't immediately get results, I give up. Ironic for someone named Patience, right? So I start feeling sorry for myself, telling myself that if people don't like me the way I am, well...the hell with them.

The problem with that, though...I don't like myself.

And as Dr. Phil would say..."How's that workin' for you."

Well, Dr. Phil...it ain't.

This time, it will be different.

This time...I'm taking charge. I'm not giving in to the need for instant gratification. I'm not expecting my life to change overnight. I'm not dieting to lose weight. I'm learning to make the right choices, every day, every hour, every moment. I'm going to make life happen, instead of waiting for it to ring the doorbell.

So tomorrow, I'm going to lace up my tennis shoes for another lap around the neighborhood while Dallas gives chase to his own shadow. And I'm going to remember that each bad choice I make today takes away a choice I have tomorrow. I'm going to let myself slip every once in a while without falling apart and giving up. And I'm going to make it happen. This time. Because...

This time,

it feels different.

And why does it feel different? Because this time, I've seen the life I want, and I'm going to reach for it.

Indecision 2008 Decided

Nothing is official yet, but it's looking like after 21 LONG months of campaigning, Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States. A very historical moment - First Black president and all that. And I'm sure he'll serve the country and do his patriotic duty and yada, yada, yada... Yeah...I voted for the other guy.

Not that this is too big of a surprise - I've always been a John McCain fan. Besides the fact that he heroically served his country in a time of war (not a requirement for President, but it should certainly be an advantage in a time of war...Iraq anyone?), - in Congress, he has served his country more than his political party, not falling into the trap of playing the political games. Even at times alienating his own party, which I'm sure contributed to his loss. And his VP pick was probably no great boost to anyone other than Tina Fey...

My intent with my blog was to create a journal of sorts, not necessarily to use it as a tool to climb onto of my political soapbox. But really...is there a better time to express my thoughts on political issues? So pardon me as I go off on my political rant...

In the big picture of things, I am a Republican. I believe in small federal government and more power to local and state government. I believe that the founding fathers were creating a union among independent states for common things like trade and national security. I believe that my local government should have more power over the laws that dictate how I live in Colorado...not Washington D.C.

I believe in free market. The flaw in this plan is responsible individuals - Just because a bank will give you a loan for a $350,000 home on a $40,000 a year income does not mean you should sign the papers. RESPONSIBILITY...look it up and quit waiting for the government to save you.

I believe in trickle down economies and free enterprises. I believe that prosperous businesses will invest in research, development and new jobs...all leading to a stronger economy. However, I believe that this works both ways. If you make it more expensive for businesses to operate in this country, they will do things to save their profit margin, and these include closing plants, relocating to other countries and laying off Americans.

I believe that the biggest threat to the separation of Church and State is NOT a nativity on a government lawn, or even school prayer, but any ban on gay marriage. I believe that marriage in the eyes of the law is a legally binding contract between two consenting adults and that to ban gay marriage is to discriminate against consenting adults. I believe that you can not come up with a valid argument against gay marriage without falling back on religion.

I believe that you can not set a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq without putting this country at tremendous risk. I don't care if you voted for the war or not...Hindsight does little in our current times. The more important issue is what do you intend to do now, and to leave Iraq in utter chaos will only breed terrorists. And quit calling it a civil war...this civil war has global consequences.

I believe that we live in a global community and that the United States is behind the 8 ball here. I believe that the demand for most products is shifting away, so that the largest consumer population now resides in other nations, such as China. I believe that eliminating tax breaks and incentives in the US will only drive businesses out of the country and make it more cost-effective for them to operate where the demand is. I believe that our litigation system has more than a little to do with the high cost of doing business in the US.

I believe that Congress is about the funniest joke God has ever played on the world. While most politicians get into the game for just causes, I believe that Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely. And if you want in on the joke...just think about it - the housing market starts to crumble, the education system is a mess, social security is failing and Congress is investigating the use of steroids with professional baseball players. Priorities, anyone?

And finally, I'm glad that this election is finally over. Seriously...two years is too long. Months upon months of political ads and I can actually feel my IQ falling. You know what I want? I want a politician who will run a campaign by telling me WHY I should vote for them and not, as with this last round, tell me WHY NOT to vote for the other guy.

Halloween Recap

No kids of my own, so I borrowed Kaylee and Holden for a night of Halloween festivities. Mom provided the pizza and cookie dessert, and Kaylee and Holden provided the entertainment.

Kaylee carved her own pumpkin - a friendly, toothy grinned face, while Holden helped me carve a scary, mean jack-0-latern.

And then on Halloween, I became one of those...you know, strange, slightly mentally disturbed people who dress up their dogs. Surprisingly enough, Dallas took it all in stride. Apparently, he was already aware that he lived with a weird-o.

Meet Dino-Dallas...

And I couldn't make him suffer alone...

4 and 4

Colts 18, Patriots 15

Never Say Never

I never thought I'd ever participate in the world of blogging (and quite honestly, who's to say that I'll manage to contribute more than a dozen entries). As a matter of fact...here's a perfect example of my original thoughts on the world of blogging...

Despair.com - Check is out. It's SERIOUSLY funny...

But I've since become completely addicted to several blogs (three, more to come on these later) and I've discovered that blogs don't have to be written for anyone but me. Blogs can be a great opportunity to create a journal of sorts. A way to chronicle my life, even if (most likely) the only person who ever reads it is me. A place to share memories, thoughts, ideas, hopes, wishes and dreams...with myself. One of my favorite blog authors (cjanerun.blogspot.com) has this quote on her blog:

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection."

- Anais Nin

So here I will try to write my journal...and more than my share of random thoughts and ramblings, I'm sure. And in the writing, I shall taste life twice...or at least, what I have that passes for a life...for now.