I have nothing really to complain about. I have my health, a job, a dog, a family that loves me. But everyday I wake up to the revelation that today looks a lot like 10 years ago...only now, I'm 10 years older. Really, nothing's changed. Back then I had my health, a job, a family that loved me. Okay, well, I didn't have the dog, but other than that...
What more could I ask for? I try to pull myself out of this funk with the thought that there are so many people less fortunate than I. And instead of feeling thankful, or rejoicing in the gifts I have, I just end up feeling selfish for indulging in these days when I just can't seem to get my act together and my eyes are constantly shining with unfallen tears. And some fallen tears...
Ironically enough, all this the day before we celebrate everything we're suppose to be thankful for.
Things that have me down today...
I'm about to lose my house (not to any financial crisis - much more complicated than that). What's a homemaker without a home?
Of course...that leads me to the bigger heartache - What's a home without someone to share it with. And therein lies 99% of my anguish. So, in my heart...I'm a homemaker. In reality...I'm a homemaker in a home for one.
So, okay, I don't have a home, I don't have a family (you know, husband, kids, yada yada yada) - I should be footloose and fancy free. Instead, I'm scrapping by in my FOURTH entry-level position since I graduated college.
And I know that I have no one to blame but myself. And maybe it's not a matter of blame at all...I just sometimes can't seem to pull myself out of these downward spirals. And here lately, I thought I was doing so good...
So...I'm hoping that putting these words out in cyberspace is somehow therapeutic. And like I said in my last blog, I keep trying to tell myself...
"Someday, I'm going to look back at this time in my life and laugh."
I just hope it's not from a padded cell somewhere.
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