8 and 4

Colts 10, Browns 6

Sleepover at Auntie Pae-Pae's

All day Thanksgiving, Holden was rather lovey, sitting with me at almost every opportunity, being upset when I didn't sit next to him at dinner, sitting on my lap while I read him the same book six times...

So, at the end of the evening, Brenda asked Holden if he wanted to go sleep at my house. Really, it was more of a joke than a serious offer. I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't been willing to live up to it, but Holden NEVER wants to sleep anywhere but at his own house, close to his Mom.

So it was a bit of a surprise when Holden didn't answer right away. Instead, he thought about it. And thought about it. And thought so more. And then he said...

"But then I can't watch the 'Credibles'."

And that's what it all boiled down to. If he came to my house, he couldn't watch the Incredibles, which was to be on NBC Thanksgiving night. So we assured him he could watch it at my house, and he was off like a shot, running up the stairs to get his things for the evening.

And what did he come down with?

Wasting no time, Holden ran upstairs and came back down with his essentials. Blanket - check. Pillow - Check. Anything else? Nope - not necessary.

Kaylee also wanted to come sleep over, so she raced upstairs to pack a bag, being a very helpful sister and packing a bag for Holden as well.

At my house, the kids watch the Incredibles. Or, the Incredibles were on, but Holden was more interested in bouncing between my couch and Donovan's, and playing with the dog. Around 8, Holden crashed out on my lap. A little later, Kaylee was ready to call it a night and we moved into my bedroom, where the kids could sleep in my bed.

Around 1, Holden woke up wanting his Dad. I soothed him with Drake and Josh on Nickelodeon while Kaylee moved over to sleep on the pile of couch cushions I had spread out on the floor for a bed (which, thankfully, meant I got to sleep in the bed). After that it was a quiet night and we all slept until around 7.

In the morning after breakfast (toast and cereal) we walked over to Safeway to get the makings for sugar cut-out cookies.

You'll have the pardon the questionable shapes of the cookies. I don't really come equipped with the proper cookie making tools - I don't even own a rolling pin. So, instead, I covered the dough with flour-sprinkled foil and used a can of Pam to roll out the dough. MacGyver-inspired baking!!

When all was said and down, Holden was ready for another sleepover.

A good day.

The See-Saw That Is My Life...

As I look back at the last two posts, it's pretty evident there's been a mood change. One day, a light-hearted whine about the newest pimple. The next...well...Welcome to the see-saw that is my life.

I have nothing really to complain about. I have my health, a job, a dog, a family that loves me. But everyday I wake up to the revelation that today looks a lot like 10 years ago...only now, I'm 10 years older. Really, nothing's changed. Back then I had my health, a job, a family that loved me. Okay, well, I didn't have the dog, but other than that...

What more could I ask for? I try to pull myself out of this funk with the thought that there are so many people less fortunate than I. And instead of feeling thankful, or rejoicing in the gifts I have, I just end up feeling selfish for indulging in these days when I just can't seem to get my act together and my eyes are constantly shining with unfallen tears. And some fallen tears...

Ironically enough, all this the day before we celebrate everything we're suppose to be thankful for.

Things that have me down today...

I'm about to lose my house (not to any financial crisis - much more complicated than that). What's a homemaker without a home?

Of course...that leads me to the bigger heartache - What's a home without someone to share it with. And therein lies 99% of my anguish. So, in my heart...I'm a homemaker. In reality...I'm a homemaker in a home for one.

So, okay, I don't have a home, I don't have a family (you know, husband, kids, yada yada yada) - I should be footloose and fancy free. Instead, I'm scrapping by in my FOURTH entry-level position since I graduated college.

And I know that I have no one to blame but myself. And maybe it's not a matter of blame at all...I just sometimes can't seem to pull myself out of these downward spirals. And here lately, I thought I was doing so good...

So...I'm hoping that putting these words out in cyberspace is somehow therapeutic. And like I said in my last blog, I keep trying to tell myself...

"Someday, I'm going to look back at this time in my life and laugh."

I just hope it's not from a padded cell somewhere.

When?

A few years ago, when I worked at Disney, life seemed impossible. Alone, broke, never had any money, never had that special someone to share time with. Away from my family, working a job for minimum wage, not making ends meet. Not making anything meet...

Matt, one of the guys I worked with at Disney, was in the same place. And on almost a weekly basis, he would say..."Someday, we'll look back at this time in our lives and laugh."

When is that day?

If I Could Just Have A Moment of Your Time...

Today, I sent a e-mail to Mom and Brenda so that I may whine. And what was I whining about?

I have a new pimple.

I have a new pimple in the middle of my back.

I have a new pimple in the middle of my back

under the snaps of my bra.

It hurts.

That is all. Thanks.

7 and 4

Colts 23, Chargers 20

Fellowship

Last night I attended a Bible study for the first time, and during the course of conversation, we started talking about the necessity of fellowship in times of sorrow, hardship and heartache and I brought up the thought that it's not just during the hardtimes. We need fellowship all the time.

And that's one of the reasons I love my best friend Becky.

In college one weekend, all my friends desserted me to hang out with their families (for shame!) and I spent the weekend...alone. I think I may have wandered across the street to the food court at least once, but other than that, it was just me. Alone.

And alone meant I had way too long to explore that part of my mind left best unexplored. The part that screams - Look what you don't have!!! Look what you aren't!!! Think weaknesses!! Think unrequinted love!!! Think failures and shortcomings!!!

Like I said, a corner of my mind left best unexplored.

Sunday evening, everyone started to return, and Becky called up to my room to see what I was doing. I have music for my moods - and on this particular weekend, I had ventured right into my pissed-off women collection. Paula Cole, Tori Amos, Indigo Girls...and by the time Becky called, I was deep into Sinead O'Conner - You don't get any more pissed off than that.

"So..." Becky inquired. "What's up?"

"Do you know that if you rearrange some of the letters of my first and last name, you get 'Pathetic'?" I said.

Without a pause, Becky responded, "Yeah, well, if you rearrange some of the letters of my first and last name you get 'Bitch'."

And that was it - I was out of the dark corners of my mind and back into the light.

And for like a year, every time I used the word "pathetic" in ANY context, Becky would respond... "Bitch."

And that's one of the reasons I love Becky.

P.S. - I am aware that I only have 1 "t" in my first and last name and can't actually spell pathetic with just 1 "t." But you get the point...